You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
