Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
