This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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