Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
