Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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