I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
