There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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