the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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