Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
