you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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