i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
