What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
