there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
