hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
