Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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