I smell stomach acid.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
