Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
