i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
