yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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