Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
