I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
