I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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