I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
