I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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