she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
