I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
