Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
