Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
