I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
