Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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