You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
