I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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