ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
