Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
