She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
