i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
