I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
