Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I could make wine with my vomit
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
