i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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