So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
