Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
