yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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