Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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