She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
