Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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