in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
