you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
