i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
