I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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