In the future we'll all be gay
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
