i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
