i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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