My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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