I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
