I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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