Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
